Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
