There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
