found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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