I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
