Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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