i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
