$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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