You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
