he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
