i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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