you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
