He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
