Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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