Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
