that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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