It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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