That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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