I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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