Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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