Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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