I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize