Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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