xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
