I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
