I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
