I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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