true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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