Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
