its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
