he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You smell like stripper and shame
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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