i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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