Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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