You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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