she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
