would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
