eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
