so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
