Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
