I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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