90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
