I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize