You really coming over, don't trick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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