I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
