I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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