dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
