Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
