The best revenge is premature balding
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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