Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
