I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
