I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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