I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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