i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
