she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
