Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dick has a subreddit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
